If you don\’t play to win, why play at all?

How BJJ-addicted are you?
February 19, 2008, 12:34 am
Filed under: BJJ Brazilian Jiu-jitsu | Tags: , , , ,

It seems that BJJ has totally taken over my life. I eat, speak and breathe Brazilian Jiu-jitsu (BJJ) all the time. I wouldn’t have noticed it, until I went out with a Portuguese guy last weekend and he became my victim for incessant talk about jiu-jitsu. I guess I cannot help talking about it that he already pointed it out to me by asking if what we’re having was a “martial arts date”. He even had a taste of my rear naked choke when he was misbehaving, but that’s another story. Even when I go out with my non-BJJ practicing friends, I’m all too eager to share my BJJ stories and videos that they are probably seriously considering to take me out of their gimmick list by now.

So how do you know if you’ve just submitted your life to BJJ? Check out the checklist below and give yourself a point for each number that applies to you:

1. You spend your Sunday going to the open mat to “hang out” (read: sweat it all out) with your teammates instead of spending it with your family or significant other.

2. You are out with your friends on Saturday night, and yet you are thinking “How do you do the brabo choke again from the bottom?”.

3. While making love, you told your non-BJJ practicing guy: “Honey, did you know that being on top is one of the most advantageous positions in BJJ?” Then when he asks you what you can do from there, you start showing him chokes and armbars from mount.

4. You try to pass your girl’s “guard” while in the missionary position.

5. The friends you always converse and hang out with are those from your team.

6. You spend your free time at work watching Marcelo Garcia or Eddie Bravo on YouTube.

7. You check the BJJ forums all the time, as if it’s your personal e-mail.

8. You move in to a place near your gym for proximity to training.

9. Your credit card bill reflects those you bought locally and online — all for BJJ and grappling.

10. You’ve given up smoking because you’re panting badly every time you roll on the mat.

11. You don’t get a foot spa because you need all your foot callouses (from mat burns) to move better on the mat.

12. If you’re a girl BJJ practitioner, you tend to converse more with your guy friends who watch and understand the UFC. You tell them how amazed you were with the armbar of Din Thomas or judo throw of Karo Parisyan.

13. If you’re a guy BJJ practitioner, you bond some more with your guy buddies who watch and understand the UFC. You do takedowns, armbars and chokes on them whenever you guys get together.

14. Your good-looking, non-BJJ practicing date tells you, “It feels weird and awkward talking to a girl about BJJ. So is this a martial arts date?” You reply with a sweet smile, then you continue talking about the triangle choke you just did earlier on your 75-kg guy teammate.

15. When your pet wrestles with a stuffed toy or another pet during playtime, you call it grappling. You are even compelled to call out moves (Take the back! Pin him down!) while watching, as if your pet understands.

16. You try to wrist lock or choke your friends when they misbehave.

17. You take several supplements — Glucosamine/Chrondoitin/MSM for joints, Calcium for bones, Vitamin C for immune system, Whey Protein for muscles, etc. — to keep yourself fit for training.

18. You’ve had bruises on the most unusual parts of your body — wrists, chest, hipbone, thigh, shin, instep, neck, jaw, etc.

19. You often find yourself mimicking the choking moves or underhook / overhook holds while at your office desk.

20. Whenever you travel (locally or internationally), you have to squeeze in training at the local gym of the place you’re visiting.

21. You’ve had at least one injury — either you’ve broken a bone or dislocated / hyperextended a joint.

22. You keep an ice pack/cold compress pack in your fridge. It comes in handy when you come home injured.

23. You carry a bunch of bananas during tournaments / competitions.

24. You’re nursing an injury and was advised to rest for a month yet you can’t wait to start training again after a week that you end up re-injuring yourself.

25. You set-up your own mats at home or ofifce so that you can practice BJJ anytime you please.

26. The one thing that you can’t live without at training is your handy-dandy Mueller sports tape.

So how much of a BJJ addict are you? You are a…

BLACK BELT (21-24 points)

You don’t have a life besides BJJ! Your motto is EAT. SLEEP. JIU-JITSU. If you’re married / in a relationship, you are always in trouble with your significant other for spending too much time training. If you’re single, don’t even ask why. You love BJJ so much that you will go insane if you don’t roll sweaty on the mat for three days. You think you are home when you’re on the mat. You are practically a dojo rat, and the coach has to shove you off the mat to get rid of you. You’ll marry BJJ if you could.

BROWN BELT (17-20 points)

You train regularly, and you’re subscribed to unlimited sessions of BJJ. You always catch yourself finishing a meeting early to catch up on training. Whenever you go shopping, you never skip on buying rash guards and board shorts. You’ve given up your social life in favor of BJJ training, although you reserve Friday or Saturday nights with your friends other than your teammates. However, you make sure that one day is reserved specifically for open mat session where you meet and roll with guys you don’t usually see during training.

PURPLE BELT (12-16 points)

You balance your life with BJJ, career/school and social networks. Sometimes you skip on training to go to Tagaytay with your significant other. But before a competition, you take a leave or absent yourself from class. You know how to play it cool, and you act like you’re just chillin’ with BJJ — even if you know inside your heart that you’ve always wanted to pursue your BJJ passion all out.

BLUE BELT (8-11 points)

You’re not exactly a BJJ addict, but you enjoy doing the sport to keep yourself fit. You don’t like competing, because you hate being pressured on the mat. More than the moves, you like hanging out with your teammates, building your network effortlessly.

WHITE BELT (4-7 points)

You must be a newbie, or not at all a fan of the sport. You think that a crucifix is a religious icon to show your faith, or that being at the bottom of 69 position is a titillating thought.

BJJ APATHETIC (0-3 points)

You think that BJJ is gay. Or you are gay yourself, and you can’t handle being triangle choked or back-mounted without reaching orgasm.

What is your score, then? I scored 22 in my own quiz, and I am definitely a black belt in addiction to BJJ. You probably will tell me, “Get a life!” But, what the heck, BJJ is my life!

NOTE: Please identify me as the author if you want to repost this 😉 – Jonna B.